It seems so hard for some people to understand, that not everybody in this world is rich. To them, to be "poor" means you can at least afford a university education, drive a basic toyota and live in a 4 room flat.

Someone asked me if I was planning on getting a degree and I told that person that yes, I was, but in a few years time because I did not have the money now.

He/She asked if my parents were not going to pay for me? To which I replied that not everybody is rich. He/She actually said that he/she was not rich too. 

That person then asked me why didn't I borrow a study loan from the bank first, because isn't that what most people are doing nowadays? To which I replied that I still had to eat when I was studying didn't I?

One thing to note for people who don't know, is that the bank will only loan you 80% of your school fees which mean that you will have to come up with the remaining 20% as well as your other daily expenses.

He/She then asked the ultimate question, why didn't I just borrow from my parents then? Just pay them back once I come out to work, isn't that easier?

This is really the most ridiculous question I keep hearing from people who have just asked the above questions.

Did I not just say that not everybody is rich? If it were that easy, why wouldn't my parents just pay for me first? If it were that easy, wouldn't I already be studying now?

Not everybody is rich enough to go to U, and what annoys me to no end is how some people can so niavely think that it is possible.

So, I am not rich, is that a crime? It is really insensitive for people to ask such questions.

For people who might have done the same thing before or who might just ask the same questions in the near future, think again before doing it okay? If someone says they don't have the money at the moment, use your brain and not push the situation. Let the matter rest unless you think you have the money to help your friend.

Now that has really spoilt what's left of my day.

Jeez!

=====

Pushing limits, such impudence.

Today is a saturday, and I am currently sitting in my office chair, chomping on rather hard nasi lemak rice as I type this.

Yes, I am doing OT.

And no, I doubt you'd like to hear about my rants regarding work lately.

Therefore, there isn't much for me to say, because all I am full of lately, is complains about work and I'm not much fun anymore.

Save me.

++++

I do have one good thing to mention though, and that is that when my sis came back from LA a couple of days ago, she got me the perfume I've been wanting that you can see in the left corner of my blog.

Yes! Innocent Secret by Thierry Mugler! Exclusively from Victoria Secrets and only available in all places non-asia. I am a happy girl. ^^

A hundred bucks poorer but well worth the price. Yeah!~

++++

Oh and before I forget, The Covenant (pronounced Cor-Ver-Nan-T thank you, not co-vae-nen-t or cove-nant please.) is not really a nice show.

Handsome casting I must say because Caleb is oh so yummy, and good if not great acting, but terrible pacing and lousy special effects.

The show looked great at the beginning but probably due to lack of time, the storyline moved far to quickly and the story kind of got lost and weak. And what was with all that air shooting?!

Sigh... Not much of an ending too because I can't tell if there will be a part two. Hm... A 5 out of 10; watch it only if you like eye candy (for both male and females, lol.)

DOA and Death Note are much nicer in my opinion. =X

++++

Oh, carol just smsed me that the shoes from their latest spree are in already.

Yipee! 2 more pairs of shoes to wear! Will be getting them from her tonight, hope they look as great as they do on the webbie. =D

Pretty? ^^

Alright now... Done with my lunch already and back to work for me.

And will someone please just stop ringing the bell?!

=====

Broken glass my dear, they're never whole again.

Today was not a very good day for me. One would have thought that yesterday would have been the bad day considering it was, afterall, friday the 13th, but today the 14th, suppositely a lucky number for me (pardon all that superstitions) was worst.

I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch today but he stood me up. Yes, laugh, because natalie got stood up. And you don't have to hide it too, because I know you enjoy laughing at me. Makes me wonder if some people come to my blog just to laugh at my misery, but that is another story.

Normal people have their lunches at say, 12 or 1pm? Or if later, at 2 or 3pm? 3pm would be considered the latest already considering dinner is at 6pm. This friend of mine did not bother to tell me he would be late. He did not even bother to give me any notice of what time he was coming. I waited until 330 before I realised how stupid it was. And if you thought I did not call, I did. But there was no answer. Nor a call back.

You know what actually hurts more then angers me? It's the fact that just the night before he knew that I was having gastric problems again and yet he did not give two hoots about how not eating aggravated my gastric problem when he was the one to ask me to lunch.

And yes, in case you want to laugh again, I had gastric pains today too, thanks to a certain someone.

This incident certainly reminded me of another missed appointment where the guy in question totally did not answer any calls or messages and only messaged me 3 days later to tell me that he had not dared to meet me that day because he was afraid he would fall for me again.

'Again' was because he was an ex whom I thought had become a good friend even after the break up 4 years ago. It seemed that all of a sudden, he just thought he might like me again. Are you kidding me?! What is there to like about me when it seems I piss everyone off?!

Well, in the end, even at 440pm there was no call or message from him, the lunching companion, (the nerves of that guy!) so I left for my grandma's place with my family. And that is sadly not the end of the day.

When we left my grandma's place later, my elder sister's boyfriend had come to pick her up to go for mango ice and suppositely, my younger sister was going along. Strangely I never heard anything about that. The minute I said I wanted to go too, my younger sister actually said, "If she go I don't want to go already."

This coming from the sister I pampered so much.

Would anyone understand that feeling? It was as though I had been slapped across the face by her at least 3 times.

I really wonder if I am going wrong even at home when my own sister cannot even stand to go out with me because I know my social life sucks, but used to think family life was okay if not peaceful.

And even till now, not a word of apology from the missing lunch partner. Oh just give me a break already!

=====

Don't fake concern when you don't even care that you caused my pain.

On a happier note, Happy 18th Birthday xiao mei! Cannot be so naughty anymore ar... Must be guai and study hard ar... *Grinz*

Went for a celebration dinner with the family just now, the food was no longer as good as before. But I guess everything is always changing. The chief must have changed, but people come, people go. *Shrugs*

I plan on taking the family to a sharks fin speciality restaurant that soooomebody once introduced me to. Mummy loves sharks fin and I was planning to bring them there for some time already, so I thought why not just bring them there on my birthday? At least this year will be better spent. =D

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Make believe that heaven's on earth. Not me, not me.

How would you feel if someone hurt you and used you, then bitched about you to all his friends and blamed you as the cause of his troubles, yet out of nowhere calls to apologise for hurting you?

Would you forgive him? Or would you hold a grudge? Would you even think of ways to take revenge?

How would you even know if he means what he says? How do you know if he's not about to turn around and bitch about you yet again? How can you believe when he claims he is sorry?

The answer to all that, is that you don't. You don't know if he is telling the truth. You don't know what he is planning. You don't know if somebody put him up to it for whichever purposes. You just don't.

No one will ever know what other people are thinking, because they can't see into their minds, no matter how well they know a person or think they do.

Just like how no one knew what she was hiding, even as she screamed out her dislikes. No one knew what she might have been thinking, even as she did the things she did. Is she as simple as she looks? As nice as she seems? Or does everyone have on a facade? That no one knows anyone else anymore?

It is amazing how people sometimes try their utmost best to hurt others, to feel a sense of satisfaction when that person falls in pain. What would it do for you if I were hurt? Would my pain give you life?

Some people think that the task is upon themselves to save what's left on the earth, and to bring justice where it should. But how would you know what justice was? Who are you to judge another? Are you clean of all sins on earth? So pure and fair? If it were truly so, then you would not be judging another. Because it is human to fault, and unless you are not one yourself, take a good look at yourself first, for that is who you should be judging first.

How long does it take for some to move on? From facts of life to growing up. Moving on can mean so many thing, but you will ever only know the truth you want to believe.

=====

Make music, not noise.

Was on the way home today when I heard sirens out of nowhere. A few seconds later, a fire truck (shit, what's the word for it again???) wailed its way pass in a hurry.

At that very moment, as I watched the truck flash by, I had a sudden inexplicable feeling of fear. But from what? I could not tell.

It then occurred to me that perhaps, it could be fear of what the truck was heading towards? Fear of people who could be in danger at that very moment I was about to cross the road home? I wondered if I still had a conscience afterall.

That fear lasted for as long as I heard the sirens.

-----

My collegue at work is quitting for greener pastures and while I am happy for her for finding a job much more like what she wanted, I am also extremely stressed when I think of what that means.

The same amount of work, if not more, and only one of me left to do it. Of course the boss will hire another helper, but even then, I can't figure out how I'm going to teach the new person. Which, I believe, will be a girl of course. The boss has been trying to outdo another manager in terms of the 'quality' of their staff.

"This is Charlene, my new assistant." (Reading between the lines - "Prettier than yours hor!")

A competitive bunch of guys considering their age. >.<

What's depressing is that with the huge amount of work we have to do everyday, we are still required to serve coffee and tea to clients who drop by. (What am I?! Coffee girl???!!!)

A collegue was telling me about a job prospect in the cosmetic industry which sounds rather tempting... But the location is... Far, far, far away from home. Even worst then now. That's about the only con from what I gathered. >.< Pros include better pay, fixed hours, samples and discounts on cosmetics, hiak hiak~

But of course, I don't mind giving it a try, and if they want me, then I'll think about the travelling time. Lol~

-----

I went to Bangkok last weekend and took a plane for the first time in my life! Not a fun experience considering the plane is a rickety and small one that shakes like a leaf in the wind. But nevertheless, I enjoyed the scenery from above, both at night and in the day. We were lucky it did not rain during both flights.

Bangkok itself was an experience unlike what I expected. I didn't get to shop enough, of course it was only over the weekend, but still... *Blush* The hotel was terrible, and you don't want to go there. It rained just about every few hours in the time we were there and you can imagine how NOT fun it was walking in the rain and carrying an umbrella while still trying to browse/shop.

The food was alright, but I only really enjoyed the two dinners we had there. One being kuay chap in chinatown with roasted pork and other pig parts. (Lol! I'm a carnivore, so sue me!) The second one being a seafood dinner which was diiirt cheap! Sharksfin, prawns, crab, crab with vermicelli, a vegetable dish (don't ask me what it was, I wouldn't know since I didn't eat it), and bird's nest for desert. Drooling yet? The 4 of us only paid S$45+ for the meal! And it was good too, not substandard at all.

Overall, I'd rate the trip a 6/10 and I just wished we could take a better plan the next time we fly. SQ maybe? =P

-----

It is not you who deserted me, but I who have forsaken you.

Was a little poetic and gloomy in the last post, but I'm better now. =)

Had dinner with some girls from SLS at causeway point yesterday on Monday which reminded me (and still does) of that pyscho guy I met there last wednesday.

I was waiting for brianca outside delifrance when this guy came up and started talking to me. He said he was doing a survey and if I could answer a few questions. Not knowing where I could hide if I said no, I agreed and he started asking me if I owned a Lady's Card (you know, that credit card?) and if there were any more privileges I wanted from such a card.

I answered truthfully, that I was underaged! (Not 21 yet, hunnie) And that I didn't know what privileges that card had in the first place. He then asked for my number to which I asked why for and he said "for the company's reference." To which I shot a reply, "To call me next year?"

He seemed to find my answer very amusing, and remarked that I had a sharp tongue. (Huh???) Only after much persuasion did I agree to give my number. (Okay, it helped that he was cute.) Then he asked if he could treat me to a drink or a meal.

At this point in time, I was getting slightly annoyed because he was like a fly which wouldn't go away and brianca was due to arrive anytime soon. I managed to get rid of him by saying no thanks I was waiting for a friend and escaped with brianca into delifrance soon after, without him seeing us of course.

He called after that and tried to "join" us but brianca was firm. (You go girl!)

Anyway to cut a long story short, he's been bugging me ever since to "go out for a drink", "meet up for dinner", "watch a movie after work" and what nots.

And before you think that's perfectly normal, on that wednesday night he smsed me, just as I was on my way home, telling me to "go home early because it was dangerous at night" (wtf?)

I retorted if he was my dad and said that yes, I was already on the way home. And get this! He actually replied, "good girl, give you a kiss... Muack!-"

AHHHHHHH!!!! What crazy person says such things when you only met for a few minutes???

Two days later after I kept ignoring his calls and smses, he still smsed me as though nothing was wrong and I finally asked if he was too 'eng' aka free. (Or else why keep bugging me???) And he tried to call again before smsing "What is eng? Please tell me, I cannot relax because you are too beautiful."

*Throws up at this point*

Now does anyone disagree with me when I say he is pyscho?

*Shivers and shakes off invisible cobwebs*

Anyway, I was side tracked.

Dinner yesterday was really fun because it was talk about shopping, shopping and more shopping! Oh, not forgetting naughty topics and er-hems. Met two new faces asides from the girls I met the last time at another dinner.

The main purpose of the dinners were to collect stuff from sprees as well as gossip and make friends and it was hilarious when they brought out stuff from VS (undies actually) and started 'baring' them in the restaurant. Lol~

Other stuff from FoH as well, which was why I was there in the first place... (OT - I love the satin sleepshirt! So sexy and comfy! Who wanna see me wear? =P) And also stuff from Xiang (accessories) and Mayuki (clothes) being passed around. A great chance to see samples and likeness to the pics on the webbie.

Even though I was the youngest in the group, there was no awkwardness of any sort and I really enjoyed myself! =D

Ah~~ I wanna go for another one! =P

Haha... Anyway, here's a pic of the sleepshirt. Won't post the other 2 items, not 'safe' enough. Hehe~

Lolz, I not so 'full' and mine is in black but it's still so pretty! Ahhh~ I love! =D

=====

Plenty much?

I guess it’s about time I updated my blog abit. Plenty of things have happened and times have been hard. But I’m still here typing this, so I must be alright.

Let’s try summarizing everything, but don’t mind if I sound delusive:

Someone shoved the most painful ever experience in my face and I nearly did not make it out alive. Literally.

I thought I found something then, but then I lost it. And all because I was naïve and foolish and did not care to think.

No amount of apologies or actions will make up for my wrongs. And they may say otherwise, but they know the truth within themselves.

I lost plenty of things before that night was done. But is it friendship or pity reaching out to me? Or a fear of guilt if the unspeakable happens?

I tried to climb out of the abyss, but from some point of views, it is a way of life, I am perfectly fine and I can most certainly wait. And so I shall, or wither first; we shall see.

=====

I had my chance and I gave it up. And now I no longer care to reach for it; a futile move it would seem.

If by locking everything behind a door with no key can wipe it all away, then that key shall never be found.

If to laugh is to celebrate, and to smile is to enjoy, then I shall celebrate and enjoy this life that I have.

If disappearance brings serenity and silence brings peace then you shall have the best of both.

=====

When nothing seems to matter anymore, and yet I keep on waking to each day, I know time has not stopped.

And when wetness rolls down my face and I look up to see rain, I shall rejoice. For I have not to give, a drop of tear.

I do not have pain, sorrow, or even a frown. They are not for me.

And is it a hope when I think of what might be happening? Or could I still be dreaming?

Does anyone really hope for such a future? Or a non-future?

Or perhaps, like a fly in a spider web, I shall be caught and struggle till the end comes? But will I even struggle?

Oh, the questions I have.

=====

I was happier when I dreamt, of fantasies too far fetched to happen yet believing they just might. I remember dreamily, all those imaginary conversations I had with that other person, how we’d speak of everyday life as though I was there in that realm.

I need that memory now, I need those dreams now.

I was a dreamer, though how I could be one evades me still.

I dreamt my happiness up but at least there was some.

I cried for imaginary pain, and laughed at imaginary sweetness. I even touched an imaginary face.

‘Could she be any more insane?’

But I was happy.

Could there be anymore of a reason?

=====

The process of growing up might sometimes catch you by surprise. And while I do not claim to have grown up, at least I know a little more now.

I still live in denial, still believe in certain lies.

But I see truth when I should, and I try, at the very least, to be sincere to my uttermost best abilities.

I am still skeptical, but I am willing to believe in more. At least when faced with the eyes of an honest stranger.

I may still sigh when alone, but at least when I smile, I mean it.

I honestly want to move on.

=====

Maybe things might never change with me and you, but if it’s okay with you, I do honestly wish for you to be happy.

Today, I realised just how slimming black can be.

I was on the bus to work just an hour ago when this young lady probably no two years older then me boarded. She was dressed in black and moved up to the back of the bus to look around for a seat but sadly there were none. Strangely, the guy beside me started figeting in his seat as though his butt was itchy but before I could figure out what was going on, a lady two seats infront stood up and gave up her seat to the lady in black.

'Strange', I wondered. 'What's so special about this lady in black?'

And as she smiled gratefully at the other lady and turned to sit down, I got a glimpse of her belly. Ah yes, she was pregnant. About 6 or 7months so I think.

Now here comes the question... How come I did not notice her huge stomach?!

I blame her black dress. >.<

=====

Too little, too late.

The thought that some people might sometimes be too bitter to think straight and end up doing strange and aimless things strikes me as stupid. But all the same, I realise that I do such things too, so maybe it's perfectly normal to do stupid things when you are not happy.

However, mentioning that does not mean that I am not happy nor bitter. It just means that I have been thinking. Lolz, and in case that strikes you as surprising, do know that I happen to think alot; too much for that matter.

Was not feeling well earlier today and stayed curled up in bed till 5pm haha. But I was not asleep, sadly. Just curled up. Felt better by dinner time and got up to eat abit before heading to Yishun to meet Snowryn to pick up my stuff from Mayuki spree! Haha, very happy to receive them, was still doing a mini fashion show just now. =D Will post the photos up another day, need to bug my sister to upload it for me because stupid me does not know how to use the digital camera. =X

I seem to keep postponing my meeting with NingYing though, due to unforseen circumstances. =/ Sorry!

Hope tomorrow will be more fun. Am anticipating some good times. =D

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Fate brings alot of trouble.